Okay, SO. Why am I telling you guys this? My handstand is getting better, but I’m pretty frustrated / nervous? I’ll tell you a bit about me and my life:
12 years ago I ruptured my hamstring doing the splits cold and fast at a party. Talk about a lesson in ego, yes? I had trouble waking sitting lifting my leg for the rest of the year. I didn’t get much PT as our insurance only covered 2 visits at the time.
Years go by; there is sciatica (maybe), then an ITB Band, then both knees, then comes the chronic pain, everywhere, searing, so bad, traveling, unknown. I get throw into the FIbromyaliga pot. Thousands of tests, my nerves, no inflammation, I’m told after vials of blood that they’ve never seen someone healthier, I’m off the charts healthy. wTf.
After all this and a lot of yoga, it turns out what was dismissed as a hamstring injury at 16 was actually a sacroiliac joint injury, thereby affecting the outside of my leg and as I continued my physically fit lifestyle, my pelvis continued to twist itself like an Infiniti symbol in a blender.
So I have bulging erector spinae. I know where all those muscles’ origin of insertion is because that’s where I hurt. My nerves constantly set off maddening tingles in my body and skull. My sacrum has dropped so far forward the tailbone juts out. I have difficulty accessing the mula bandha lock, and fall out of inversions despite strength and flexibilty because I have to rework my alignment and core.
Can you sense the frustration now? :(
I hate complaining about my pain because I am healthy fit and so many others have more serious conditions than I. We all have our silent struggle, yes? I just wanted to vent. This is my life - yoga - and I want to do so much with and go places with it. I’ll work for it , I’ll bust my hinnie if that means I can correct years of pain and jacked up ligaments. But what of not? What if years go by and I can never achieve my goals simply because my body has it’s limitations after 12 years? Ligaments and scar tissue and a musculoskeletal system that adapted one way to stay upright.
I hate complaining. Just…worried. Being hard on myself. I just hope I can fix my body overtime.